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Brenda’s Life

The following is a story of instability. The person featured has made some small steps to improve her life but, as you will see, there is a long way to go and many issues to resolve. Unfortunately, many in the homeless community will have lived with this level of dysfunction at some time or other. Fortunately, with support the issues will be overcome and resolved.  Brenda is not her real name.
“I’ve relapsed again. I’ve ###### up again with the drink. Someone gen me crack. I’ve gone 2 months without but it was free.”

 

Brenda has agreed to tell me about her life. She began to use the project about nine months ago and we can see some progress. When I asked her about progress she said that she was “better at keeping appointments.” It is a small but significant observation and we know it to be true. She also attends literacy and numeracy classes, does art and gardening and attends a group dealing with alcoholism. The groups are purposeful in themselves but the added benefit, she says, is that, “without them I’d be down the road getting ######”, (drunk).  It is a life she is stuck in.  She knows she is the only one who can change it. The CAP knows she will not change without support from a number of agencies but change is possible.

Brenda can talk.  She holds nothing back and in the space of a few minutes talks about her baby, life without a ‘home’, medication, drugs and alcohol, past and current relationships and little snippets that give a sense that she sees herself as a failure. In her own words:

 “I want my baby back. I can visit anytime but they won’t let me take him out.”
“Everybody beats me up and robs me but they won’t get me down.”
“I don’t like my medication, they’ve changed it. I’m on anti-depressants. They’re to calm me down and help me sleep.”
“I hate that bed, plastic mattress makes me sweat and keeps me awake. I got done by staff (at the hostel), I put something in the oven and fell asleep, too much alcohol, and got done by staff.”

Outside (the CAP) its back to drinking, cannabis and diazi’s. No wonder I don’t feel very well.”
One of the reasons is that nearly everybody she knows “uses, drinks, deals or works the street.” Life is a continual round of “arguments, drinking and fighting”. Whilst this isn’t quite the case, it is what is uppermost in Brenda’s perception. She knows she mixes with the wrong people but if you know very few of the right people how do you change? “they say they are friends but they just use you. If I try to avoid them they find me, they just turn up.”

 

Being assessed at the project

Being assessed at the project

Drink is the biggest issue for Brenda. She has been drinking since the age of 12. Both parents were alcoholics and used to argue continually. Her parents are both dry now but at the age of 30 Brenda’s drinking has increased, especially since her baby was taken into care last year. She says, “I said to myself that when I’m 30 I’ll give up – but I can’t. I’ll drink as much as I can get.”
 

 

Her immediate past confounded the problems. Her ex-partner “used to beat me and lock me in. He robbed me and others for crack money.” Their flat was attacked by people he owed money to so they fled. She now owes money in rent arrears and for the necessary repairs and so is unable to get
accommodation of her own. Without accommodation she drinks more and has been arrested a number of times for being drunk and disorderly and causing an affray.

When it comes to the future Brenda has very little to say so I ask what the perfect life would look like. “I just want a flat and my baby.” Then as an after thought “It’d be nice to go to the pictures or just out for a meal.”

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